AARP Bulletin - September 2011

; Power of 50

Panties
Smashed
overserved, or
hammered.
Sick!
Whatever
I’m like … We
mean “I said” or “I
say.” So we should
say it.
Totes. Unless you
mean that clever
little umbrella.

Hot. Except when referring to the weather or habaneros. Kick it. Marginal even for those 50+ in a rock band still being paid … even at state fairs.

Miniskirts, minishorts, anything
that’s been deliberately diminished or
ripped—unless it’s you or your muscles.
Low-rise pants that showcase low-rise
anatomy.
Super-tight skinny jeans, even if you
are both.
T-shirts that say “Sexy Grandma,” “Vote
for Ozzy” or “I Am the Man from Nantucket.”
Purses with dogs on them. Purses with
dogs in them.
Gold chains with your name on them.
Gold chains. Chains.

Jell-O shots Karaoke after Jell-O shots.

Crowd surfing to the mosh pit. Drinking champagne from your son’s girlfriend’s shoe. Drinking champagne from your own shoe. Visible tats, no matter what (or who) you escaped, no matter who or what you discovered. Collecting owls made of shells, frogs made of ceramic or lawn gnomes made of anything.

Those who don’t know you when you’re down and out but just love you when you’re “back.” People who learned all they ever needed to know in high school—and are still living it. Gossips Arrogant doctors, educators, waiters, TV commentators, athletes, authors, legislators, coaches or anyone who lets a little influence go to their head. Space invaders. Those who stand too close, consuming space, energy, oxygen and time.

Create a boundary in life. Then take down a wall. Write long handwritten letters to your grandchildren, even the ones who aren’t born yet.

Put your wedding photos in an album before your 25th anniversary. Finish the baby book before the kid’s 25th birthday. Start telling the truth, every day.