; Power of 50
I’m like … We
mean “I said” or “I
say.” So we should
Totes. Unless you
mean that clever
Hot. Except when referring to
the weather or habaneros.
Kick it. Marginal even for
those 50+ in a rock band still
being paid … even at state
Miniskirts, minishorts, anything
that’s been deliberately diminished or
ripped—unless it’s you or your muscles.
Low-rise pants that showcase low-rise
Super-tight skinny jeans, even if you
T-shirts that say “Sexy Grandma,” “Vote
for Ozzy” or “I Am the Man from Nantucket.”
Purses with dogs on them. Purses with
dogs in them.
Gold chains with your name on them.
Gold chains. Chains.
Karaoke after Jell-O shots.
Crowd surfing to the mosh pit.
Drinking champagne from your son’s girlfriend’s shoe. Drinking champagne from your
Visible tats, no matter what (or who) you escaped, no matter who or what you discovered.
Collecting owls made of shells, frogs made of
ceramic or lawn gnomes made of anything.
Those who don’t know you when you’re down
and out but just love you when you’re “back.”
People who learned all they ever needed to
know in high school—and are still living it.
Arrogant doctors, educators, waiters, TV commentators, athletes, authors, legislators, coaches
or anyone who lets a little influence go to their head.
Space invaders. Those who stand too close,
consuming space, energy, oxygen and time.
Create a boundary in life. Then take
down a wall.
Write long handwritten letters to
even the ones who
aren’t born yet.
Put your wedding
photos in an album
before your 25th anniversary. Finish the
baby book before the
kid’s 25th birthday.
Start telling the
truth, every day.
Stand up for what
you believe, and do
so with dignity.
Dance outside at
night in a foreign
Be able to retire but
say, the hell with it,
I’m going strong.
Jacquelyn Mitchard is the best-selling author of 21 books.
Her newest, Second Nature, comes out this month.
Illustrations by Bonnie Timmons