physically aroused without pretending you’re with a particular person,
there’s something more serious at
work. What to do? You don’t need
to tell your spouse you are craving
someone else, but you can say you
don’t feel fully connected and you
want to talk through what might be
blocking your ability to relate.
Your partner is starting
to gross you out
WHAT I T USUALL Y MEANS When you
share space year after year, you’re
going to see your spouse do some
unlovely things—and vice versa.
WHEN TO WORR Y If you stay angry
long after the offensive behavior
occurs, you need to find out why it
bothers you so much. With discus-
sion you may realize you’re angry
about something entirely different.
You doubt your choice of mate
WHAT I T USUALL Y MEANS Thinking
about how your life might have been
different is a wistful escape during
periods of self-doubt. Sometimes you
wonder “What if…?” Everyone does.
WHEN TO WORR Y It’s more than nostalgia when you constantly compare
your real-life partner with someone
you could have married but didn’t.
Try to reorient yourself by listing
your spouse’s great qualities and
the wonderful experiences you’ve
shared. If the list looks weak to you,
consider seeing a counselor.
You’re sick of pretending to like
your partner’s family or friends
WHAT I T USUALL Y MEANS You’ll never
love every person a partner brings
into your life, and there’s usually at
least one you actively loathe. If you’ve
been a jerk to someone your spouse
adores—well, join the club!
WHEN TO WORR Y If you find yourself
disliking all your partner’s friends, or
if you’re frequently downright rude,
you’re probably mad at your partner,
or you would be more generous.