THE BEST
OF YOUR LIFE
CONNECTIONS
First You
See, Then
You Do
No need to be original.
Being a copycat has benefits
Imitation often gets a bad rap—take
imitation leather (not breathable)
and imitation crabmeat (not enjoy-
able). But in relationships, imitation
can be good—it can make you seem
more appealing. In experiments at
Radboud University of Nijmegen in
the Netherlands, subjects interviewed
by someone who subtly mirrored their
postures gave bigger donations to a
charity and were more likely to help an
interviewer. And in research
published in the Journal of Personality
and Social Psychology, students rated
interactions with mimickers as smooth-
er than those with nonmimickers;
they also considered mimickers more
likable. But while imitation may seem
simple, it can be tricky, warns Robert
Epstein, Ph.D., lecturer and former
editor of Psychology Today. If people
notice what you’re doing, they may
find you manipulative. Epstein’s
advice: “Think smaller: If someone
crosses his or her legs, wait 5 to 10
seconds, then cross your ankles.” If
subtlety’s not your strong suit, make
note of a person’s mannerisms. Then
try a few mini-versions the next time
you’re together. —Melissa Gotthardt
Go for the Big O
This sexy hormone can also
improve your social life
Oxytocin, dubbed the “hormone of love,” may
also be the hormone of like. Though associated with
romantic and maternal relationships—it soars during
sex and is plentiful in women who are in labor—new
evidence is establishing the hormone as an all-around
relationship enhancer. Here’s why: Oxytocin acts on
many areas of the brain, including the amygdala, a region responsible for emotions such as fear,
anxiety, and distrust. “By calming the activity of the amygdala, oxytocin triggers feelings of safety,
comfort, and empathy,” says Paul J. Zak, Ph.D., founder and director of the Center for Neuro-
economics Studies at Claremont Graduate University. That’s a boon for romance, but oxytocin
also enhances social interactions, including those among family, friends, and acquaintances.
So how can you spark a surge? Human touch is one method, but other activities work, too. Studies
show that pursuits such as playing with a pet can make oxytocin climb. Zak also recommends
walking with a neighbor or calling a loved one. Plus, oxytocin increases your motivation to interact
with others, so the more you produce, the more social opportunities you’ll seek. —M.G.
