AARP’s online community is a kind of “wisdom circle”
that draws on the shared experiences of AARP members.
This column is adapted from an online discussion.
THE BEST
OF YOUR LIFE
WISDOM CIRCLE
How Do I Move From
Surrogate Dad
to Granddad?
A doting new grandfather faces
a difficult separation
Dear Wisdom Circle,
My son’s girlfriend, “Anne,” gave birth
to my grandson about two years ago.
Anne was a “wild child,” so my wife and
I asked them to move in with us so we
could help. When I saw my grandson,
he stole my heart. Now his parents
have their lives on track and they’re
moving out. I feel devastated, as if
I’m losing custody of my own baby.
How can I learn to be a grandparent—
from scratch? —Sad Granddad
ILLUSTRATION BY STEVE SANFORD
RESPONSE #1 Focus on what’s best
for your grandson. The more you support and respect his parents and their
progress, the more they’ll be willing share
their son’s time. Make sure they know
you’re happy for them and will always be
there: Having stable, responsible parents
is what your grandson needs most. Also,
focus on your own hobbies and personal
development so you can enrich your life
and your grandson’s life. You’ve given
your son and grandson the ultimate gift:
a loving foundation. Don’t forget that.
RESPONSE #2 I’ve been raising my
grandson for six years now, with no help
from his parents. My other son and his
wife have two daughters, and I enjoy
being a more conventional grandparent
to them. I can understand your sadness
over “losing” your grandson, but you’ll still
be a big part of his life—just in a more
fun, less stressful way. You’ll be there no
matter what happens, and I’m sure he’ll
enjoy your visits, your babysitting, and
your involvement.
The Wisdom Circle was right: I survived the separation much better
than I expected to. The silence at
home was a pleasant surprise—
I’d forgotten what that was like. I
observed two years of drama with my
son and his girlfriend, but now things
are calmer, and I still get to see my
grandson often. Adapted by Julia Winkler
HOW TO JOIN
THE CIRCLE
To ask your own question, or to answer someone else’s, visit aarp.org/wisdomcircle.
