OF YOUR LIFE
Even if you’re struggling to adjust,
a newly empty nest presents an opportunity to reconnect with your partner,
rediscover your relationship, and reinvigorate your sex life. Here’s how.
Remember where it started
Think back to the early days of your
relationship. What attracted you
to each other? Was it his sense of
humor? Her adventurous side? Two
of my clients made a game out of getting reacquainted. “We took separate
cars to a bar, where we pretended we
didn’t know each other,” said Peter.
They started talking, Peter bought
drinks—and they went home together.
Research supports this tactic: Longtime couples can rekindle romance
by acting like strangers on a first date,
a recent study at the University of
British Columbia showed.
Make allowances Even if you’re
in great shape, your bodies are different now—and so, likely, is your stamina. Can’t swing from the chandelier
the way you used to? Adjust. My client
Sarah, for example, has a bad back and
finds the missionary position painful.
Instead, she and her husband enjoy
sex while lying side by side or spooning. Think in terms of what you can
do sexually, not what you can’t.
Embrace the differences Sex isn’t
what it was 20 years ago. That doesn’t
mean it’s worse. Celebrate what im-
proves with age: Younger men may
have stronger erections, but older
guys tend to have better control.
You both know each other’s bodies,
you’ve perfected your bedroom
technique, and you may feel less
inhibited than you did in the past.
How grandparents can help
kids stay out of trouble
Psychiatrist Gail Saltz, M.D., answers
goodinbed.com. Her five
books include The Ripple Effect: How
Better Sex Can Lead to a Better Life.
By Peggy Post
Increasingly, guests expect—or even demand—socially
responsible meals. How far must you go to comply?
Take safety seriously Avoid new potential dangers
such as BPA, a substance found in some plastics.
Be direct Let guests know the menu. If it doesn’t suit
their politics, invite them to bring a dish that does.
Honor restrictions Ask about food allergies and
religious dietary guidelines, and plan for these.
A little grandmotherly attention can help children avoid
social and emotional problems,
a recent study of Iowa families
suggests. Even a weekly phone
chat with Grandma can reduce
the odds of poor social skills
for kids prone to frustration.
(Grandpas weren’t included in
the study.) And loving grandmother involvement can keep
kids with harsh parents from
becoming defiant, says study
coauthor Melissa A. Barnett,
Ph. D., assistant professor at
the University of Arizona. Other
research suggests grandparents
help by supporting harried parents. How best to do that? “Ask
your child how you can pitch
in this week—a parent’s needs
change day-to-day,” says Ruth
Nemzoff, Ed. D., author of Don’t
Bite Your Tongue: How to Foster
Rewarding Relationships With
Your Adult Children. One grandfather she writes about sang
to his grandchildren on Skype
in the mornings while his son
sipped his coffee. —Tina Adler