AARP The Magazine - April/May 2012

ENDS
CONNECTIONS
Oh,
Brother,
You’re a Bother
How to stay close with your siblings
(even when they’re annoying)
o you’re 50 years old and your brother or sister
still drives you crazy? That’s normal, but
irritation rarely changes the closeness that siblings feel for
one another, a new University of Connecticut study finds.
And when things get difficult, siblings can bounce back.
In two follow-up studies, the researchers showed that after
conflict, the most well-adjusted siblings take a break from
being together. If time apart still doesn’t ease tension, reflect
on issues from your childhood—the source of most adult rifts, says Chris
Segrin, Ph.D., a family communication professor at the University of
Arizona. Try to forgive your brother for what he did then and the annoying
things he does now—like never clearing his dishes when he visits—and make
the first move to make up. In the end, says Segrin, a sibling “is a resource
to be cherished.”—Tina Adler

S

DON’T MIND YOUR MANNERS
Why politeness can be bad for your health
You have asthma, and you told your
friend she “probably” should stop smok-
ing around you. So why is she still light-
ing up? Because the urgency of your
request wasn’t clear, which leads to
misunderstandings. Though people are
polite to prevent strained relationships,
their reserve can result in confusion that
becomes problematic in high-stakes
situations, according to recent research
published in Current Directions in
Psychological Science. And because
doctor-patient interactions show a
“large potential” for misunderstand-
ings, you should be particularly vigilant
when your health is in question, says
researcher Jean-François Bonnefon,
Ph. D. So if you’re hearing words such as
may, probably, or possibly, make sure to
ask for clarity. And if you must use these
words when the stakes are high, choose
them judiciously. —Helen Thompson

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