FAMILY & FRIENDS
CONNECTIONS
Oh, Brother—
You’re a Bother
How to stay close with your siblings
(even when they’re annoying)
o you’re 50 years old and your brother still drives you crazy? That’s normal,
but irritation rarely changes the closeness that siblings feel for one another,
a new University of Connecticut study finds. And when things get hard,
siblings can bounce back. In two follow-up studies, researchers showed
that, after conflict, the most well-adjusted siblings take a break from be-
ing together. If time apart doesn’t ease tension, reflect on issues from your
childhood—the source of most adult rifts, says Chris Segrin, Ph.D., a family
communication professor at the University of Arizona. Try to forgive your
brother for what he did then—and the annoying things he does now, like nev-
er clearing his dishes when he visits—and make the first move to make up.
In the end, says Segrin, a sibling “is a resource to be cherished.” —Tina Adler
S
DON’T MIND
YOUR MANNERS
Why politeness can be
bad for your health
You have asthma, and you told your
friend she “probably” should stop smok-
ing around you. So why is she still light-
ing up? Because the urgency of your
request wasn’t clear, which leads to
misunderstandings. Though people are
polite to prevent strained relationships,
their reserve can result in confusion that
becomes problematic in high-stakes
situations, according to recent research
published in Current Directions in Psycho-
logical Science. And because doctor-
patient interactions show a “large poten-
tial” for misunderstandings, you should
be particularly vigilant when your health is
in question, says researcher Jean-François
Bonnefon, Ph. D. So when you hear words
such as may, probably, or possibly, ask for
clarity. And if you must use these words
when the stakes are high, choose them
judiciously. —Helen Thompson
ILLUSTRATION BY KALI CIESEMIER
AARP THE MAGAZINE / A ARP.ORG
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