AARP The Magazine - April/May 2012

Response #2 You and your mother
need a professional’s advice. And when
you’re satisfied with the resolution,
please consider renouncing any anger.
Though it may be hard to let go, it can be
spiritually rejuvenating to both you and
your mom.
Response #3 This is heartbreaking.
Bill obviously has no intention of paying
her back. I would seek legal and financial
advice, but I would also encourage your
mother to seek counseling because this
must be devastating. In the end, you
may have to live with this, but it’s impor-
tant that you are speaking out about the
dangers of lending money to family.

‘My Bro- in-Law Owes Mom Money’
A mother needs her
loan back. Should her
daughter intervene?
My only sibling, Tina,* died suddenly
18 months ago. She and her hus-
band, Bill, had borrowed $80,000
from our mother to save their house
from foreclosure. But Bill stopped
sending checks when Tina died. He
said money was tight but he would
pay again when he could. He never
did, and he has remarried, sold the
house, and moved out of the coun-
try. Now Mom is living off limited
savings. She asked for the money
but Bill ignored her. Still, my mother
refuses to take legal action. Should
I step in? —Worried Daughter
THE DILEMMA
Response #1 Your mom has been
generous to a fault. When it comes to
personal loans, few people contem-
plate the possibility that they might
not get paid back. I know—I’ve been
there. Talk with other family mem-
bers, then ask yourself if the amount
of money and the satisfaction of
repayment are worth the hassle, the
emotional roller coaster, and the ill
will that might result. This should
help you know what to do next.
THE CIRCLE SAYS
Thank you for your support. Bill
hasn’t resumed payments, and my
gut feeling is that he thinks Mom will
die soon and he’ll be off the hook.
Meanwhile Mom is still with us, and it
saddens me to see her living frugally.
Since my mother refuses to involve
a lawyer, I feel I have to respect her
wishes. And I don’t think legal action
is worth the heartache and family
disruption that would result.
—Adapted by Karen Westerberg Reyes
THE RESOLUTION
HOW TO JOIN
THE CIRCLE
Visit aarp.org/wisdomcircle.

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